Sew Inspired
by intoxmush
Summary: One-shot; Hi, I'm Isabella Swan, I'm 22, and I work at a fabric store called "Sew Inspired," this is the complicated story of how I fell for a customer. A customer whose wedding is a few months away...


**Authors notes: I haven't done this in a while, I know that this story is really unpolished but it's just an idea that I had a few days ago and had to write it. This is a one-shot that was inspired when I was working at my own fabric store.**

**So, I hope that things make sense and that you enjoy it. Please feel free to R and R and criticize.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bold- Bella's thoughts**

_Italics- Isabella's thoughts._

* * *

"So, how many yards do you think I'd need to make a top?" The huge expanse of a woman asks me.

I give a little shrug "Errr…three and a half?"

She raises an eyebrow in disapproval "That's a bit much isn't it?"

_Not for you._ I think to myself, gazing upon this beast of a woman.

I'm standing behind the counter holding some sort of fabric in the hopes that she'll just make up her mind.

"It's always best to get too much, than not enough" I try reason.

After a few moments of internal consideration, she gives a sigh and in return _I_ give a sigh of relief.

"Hmm I suppose you're right, three and a half it is" she concedes.

I roll my eyes because I can't believe she just took my advice on this, she looks like the type to come back an hour later complaining to management that she bought too much.

Hi, I'm Isabella Swan I'm 22, undergoing a teaching and a double major in history and literature, and I work at a fabric store called _"Sew Inspired"._

I've always hated my job, it's never suited me, I've been working here for the past two years and I have still yet to learn anything about the industry.

I'm not slow, by any measure (no pun intended) but colors, fabrics, wool; I just don't understand how anyone could be fascinated by it.

Why, by the name of God, would anyone want to make their own clothes? Each to their own, I suppose.

But alas, in a small town such as this, there are only so many job opportunities available and it was either; I work here or a sporting goods store and there is no way in hell, I'm going to advise prepubescent boys on what size cup they should purchase.

I won't bother you with the details of this obnoxiously small town named after a utensil or how I came to be here. Just know that I work here, I hate it and yet I live it.

"Hey Bells, why you standin' around there for?" A deep voice interrupts my musings, don't you hate that?

I turn around and look at the man, his eyebrow quirked and his stance akimbo.

Oh yeah, my boss, Aro, he can be a bit of an asshole, but I can't complain, as long as he keeps giving me the green, than I'm not too concerned.

"Because there's no one here, who wants to buy fabric at 2.30 in the afternoon?" I retort, clearly he doesn't share the same sentiments as myself.

"Well, if you're not doing anything, here you go" and, with that he tosses me a tangled web of…something? I think it's supposed to be wool from our assorted pile, however, with all the colors and the sparkles that it has it reminds me of something of the _Twilight _variety.

"Are you serious?" I pick up a loose end, hoping that in the next two seconds it will magically untangle itself.

"Have fun" He says and walks off…yeah, fun.

An hour later…

I've been trying to untangle this mass orgy, but to no avail. Suddenly I feel something, it's a tingling sensation, oh dear God, my customer senses are tingling. _Please don't ask me anything; please don't ask me anything_ I repeat in a mantra.

"God Rose, look at this! It's perfect, look at the way it gathers; it'd be perfect for the bridesmaid's dresses!" it's a woman's voice, a little too excited for my tastes.

I hear a sigh of exasperation.

"Al, you _do_ realize that _I'm_ the maid of honor right?" Another female voice, however this one seems to be very disinterested at the task at hand.

"So?" The first one asks and I can just imagine the confused look on her, whoever she is.

"Soooo, aren't I the one that's supposed to be figuring all this out, I mean, we wouldn't want the dresses to clash with _your_ dress right?"

A few seconds pass by and I can just tell they're having a standoff. I'm half tempted to turn around to try and wager who's going to win.

I hear a sigh and the second woman relents.

"Fine, we'll get the damn fabric"

I quietly laugh to myself; from a bystander point of view it sounded as if the second woman had the upper hand, seeing as she seemed kind of, well, bitchy to be honest.

It's funny how societal expectations predetermine our views sometimes isn't it? I try to not let it override me, but as you can see, I'm still trying to work out the kinks, I don't expect much from people, either I heart you fiercely with everything that I have or I don't give you a second glance nor care who you are or what you do. Every life is their own and as long as you're happy, that's all that matters isn't it?

"Excuse me"

Where did that voice come from? I turn my head to the left and suddenly, there's a face staring at me.

"Oh fuck!" I scream with all my might.

I jump a mile into the air and effectively land on top of the wool orgy, tangling my legs in the process. Did I tell you that I'm also a complete klutz?

I wince when I land on my ass and look up to see a brow of amusement on my fallen form.

"Are you alright?" The young woman asks me…

Now, when I say young, I mean, she looks about 17 years old, her tiny frame but well clothed figure enhances her natural beauty.

And right now, she's looking at me with a fucking breathtaking mask of wanton amusement.

Oh right, my ass on the floor predicament. Play it cool Bella.

I stand up gingerly.

"Yeah, just a little tangled" I appease…_smooth_.

As I stand at my full height the woman just smiles and bounces on the balls of her feet, fucking cute. She's tiny as hell, like a little fairy or pixie…or nymph.

"My friend and I would like to purchase some of this fabric please" She holds it out like an offering, I quirk an eyebrow, having no idea what it is, until I read the label that's poking from the roll.

"Princess Satin?" I read, or more, question.

"Great, she can read, we need fifteen yards" I hear from the background, oh, she's a blonde bitch, go figure, considering hers is nice, I mean, for a woman who, you know what, never mind.

"Sure" is my only retort and I begin counting. The cutting table is fairly large, each have two one meter rulers in them and contorted lines that help us cut straight.

I never know what to say during these times where I have to count the fabrics for the customer, I know what they're making, if my ear dropping was any indication. Do I ask them how they are? Or perhaps who's making the outfits, but then they'd know I was listening and what if the pixie woman was someone who wanted to keep their marriage a secret, I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, afterall, she is a customer.

I grab the scissors and give them a twirl before I begin my masterpiece of cutting a straight line…

"You know that can tear right?" I forget sometimes which fabrics I can just snip and tear, so what? Sue me.

I put the scissors down and scratch the back of my neck nervously "Err…yeah, I just didn't think you wanted me to tear it…some people some abit anal about that sort of thing"

She quirks an eyebrow at me. "You think I'm anal?"

_Haha Anal _

"No?" I answer in a question, _way to defend yourself stupid._

A few awkward seconds pass by and it isn't until blondie rolls her eyes, do I realize that pixie chick and I have been engaging in a mini-battle.

"Riiggghhht, I need to make a call to the florist" and with that she exits out of the store, presumably to hell from whence she came, although, that isn't fair of me to say, I'm sure she is a lovely woman…if she likes you.

"I'll be here" the little woman replies to the air.

I give the fabric a scan with my barcode reader, just to give my hands something to do.

"You don't seem to be enjoying your job" The small woman observes in a pointed manner.

I give a little shrug. "It's a job, doesn't matter whether I like it or not"

"You should do something you enjoy" she replies matter-of-factly.

"I enjoy being able to eat and live" I unintentionally snap. I look up and see the surprised look on her face, I immediately feel guilty.

With a deep breath, I try this conversation again_._

_Nice one Swan._

"Sorry, I get a little defensive; no-one ever expected me to be working here, cutting fabrics for people and advising on the latest fashion. For God's sake I'm wearing jeans I bought 3 years ago."

She gives a nod of acknowledgment to my semi-apology and allows me to continue folding the fabric.

I steal a glance towards her face and it's scrunched up, as if in thought, I do believe I just found the most adorable thing in the world.

"I could help you if you like" she propositions out of the blue.

I internally scoff and stop what I'm doing to look at her, to really look at her.

And by God, is she fucking breathtaking.

She's short, but she's absolutely beautiful, I now know what they mean when they say that good things come in small packages. Her messy hair is speared in all directions like a porcupine, her cherry red lips glisten even in our dim lights, she has a delicate frame, one that could be crushed in a strong gust of wind…and she's looking at me expectantly, damn monologues.

"I'm not sure gazing at magazines would help me" I answer.

She smiles a perfect smile with damned perfect teeth. At this point I'm not sure if I'm perving or jealous of her.

"No, I own a boutique a few blocks from here, I'm surprised you haven't recognized me yet, I'm here, nearly every fortnight buying fabric"

I wrack my brain trying to remember if I ever saw her before and coming up blank, I stammer "Err…well"

She chuckles at my incoherency and rips into her handbag, retrieving a small business card she places it onto the table.

"Here's my card, if you ever want help in figuring these fabrics out, give me a call" She offers with a smile.

Halting my ministrations with the fabric; I put it down and read the offered card.

_Mary Alice Brandon_

_**Mary and her Little Boutique.**_

_Contacts: yadda, yadda, yadda._

I took a look at the business card, loving the way the indentations of the gold embossing feel beneath my fingertips. I try to remember everything on that that card, before glancing at her again.

"Thanks…Mary"

Her face squirms a little "Call me Alice, I prefer it"

"Alice" I say, testing the name.

And then, she actually beamed at me.

"And no problem…" she takes a quick look at my name tag.

"…Russell?" she asks with a quirk of the eyebrow.

I blush and rub the back of my neck in response.

"Ahh no, I lose my name tag constantly, it's Bella, short for Isabella" I give her a quick glance and it seems as though she's contemplating something.

"Well Isabella that works for beautiful fabrics, I'll be seeing you" she gives me a wink and I try my hardest not to blush.

"Yeah sure…Alice" I stammer.

* * *

~Later that night

I'm pacing my apartment, one of the benefits of living by yourself is that you can pace for hours on end and not hear anyone complain.

To call or not to call? That is the question.

_Well, she did give you an open invitation; _a voice in my head reasons.

I plop myself down on my couch and look up at the ceiling.

**Yes, however it's a business card, now, there are two reasons why people would carry business cards, for business in order to hook in a potential client or in order to gain some recognition for prior services **I reply.

_You are not analyzing this Bella. _I frown, I hate that she's so demanding sometimes.

**Why not? She is a very polite woman, perhaps this is how she meets new people, give them her business card and then hook them into buying something from her shop.**

_Yeah but have you seen the clothes you wear? She owns a boutique, you didn't even know what those were until you Google'd it tonight, you need this._

**I need this? Need what exactly?**

The voice is silent for a moment _"…human interaction?"_

I scoff,** I am human; therefore my human interaction goes about 24/7.**

_Bella, you know that you need more people in your life and hey, she was offering you help, why not take the advantage? You can't keep pushing people away Bella, or else you're going to end up like me…alone._

**I am you, stupid. **I reply, happy that I've won this conversation.

_Yeah? And I just dialed._

**What?**

"Hello?" A voice on the telephone replies, I almost scream at the real voice. When did I pick the telephone? I shoot off from the couch and start pacing again.

**Oh you're going to pay for this, Isabella.**

"Hello?" she asks again.

**Think think think**

"Hi…I was wondering if Mary Alice Brandon was in?" I reply, biding my time.

"This is she speaking" Alice replies sweetly.

There are a few seconds where I'm chocking on my own words, what the fuck do I say now?

"Hello?" she asks again…

Now, I have no idea what compelled me to do this, but in the best Scottish accent I replied.

"Hello, this is Cho calling for Stockings 'R Sexy and I was wondering if could take a few moments of your time to do a survey?"

….yes, this conversation just got stupid…I don't even own stockings!

I hear an exasperated sigh on the other end.

"Really? I mean, I just get home after having one of the worst days of my life, because of course everything and everyone in the studio decide to become mentally insane for the day and not to mention the models with their boyfriend issues and then the florist tells me that I can't get callas for the wedding because they're not in season and then I get a phone call that the hens night venue is double booked, so I either have to change or I pay extra and then I come home to not a nice warm meal, but a fucking telemarketer, so tell me…what are you trying to sell to me because I'm sure that it's way more important than the shit I have to deal with at the moment…"

Whilst Alice is ranting, I bash the phone into my forehead repeatedly.

"Err…I'll call back another time" I finally say, ignoring the large throbbing on my head.

"You do that"

And then the phone slams shut.

Second try...

"Hello?" Alice answers.

"Hi… Is Harry in?" I dumbly reply, again, I have no idea what compelled me to say that.

"I'm sorry who?" She questions.

_Think of something quick dumbass!_

"I mean, is Ron there?" I stammer.

I can hear her smirk into the phone.

"I think you have the wrong number, Hermione"

And then the line goes dead.

Dammit, this is the last time I read Harry Potter for the entire day.

Third try…

I've been pacing my room for the past several hours and have still yet to gain the confidence in order to call this girl. I hate this anxiety, I feel it whenever I meet someone new, there's this fear that overwhelms me, perhaps it is because I have a "social deficiency" as Isabella has articulated once before. But I'm not so sure that is the case, rather, I believe that it's a survival instinct, brought up from social influences, , however, should I let that dictate who I am as a person? The obvious answer is no, but from within me I can't help but feel this way, I can't help but feel as if every person I see or meet will hurt me in some fashion…

_Maybe she's different._

**What? **I ask.

"Hello?" Her voice answers.

I take a deep breath, don't think, just do Bella.

"Hi Alice, it's…it's Bella from "Sew Inspired"" Oh, I finally do it; I finally introduce myself on the phone where no one can see me!

I hear a ruffling of some description, where is she? I ponder to myself.

"...You do know its 3am right?"

I glance at the clock in my room and when I do, I wince.

"Oh is it? Time must be different from where I am" I try to appease.

"We live in the same area code" She deadpans.

"Or do we?" I try in my suave voice.

"I'm not sure; my brain doesn't work past 2.30 at night" She replies huskily due to her state of sleep.

I rub the back of my neck nervously.

"Oh right, the time thing, I can call back another time, probably when the sun is actually out?" I actually manage to refrain myself from smashing my head against the receiver of the phone again.

"No it's fine, I'm awake now, the phone giving me a heart attack has got my adrenaline going"

I start to pace my living room, it's a wonder I haven't burnt footprints into the floorboards yet.

_Just ask it Swan!_

"What are you doing tomorrow, or err rather today?" I ask whilst rubbing my forehead a thousand times over.

"Unfortunately I've got work in a few hours"

I give shrug, as if she could see me.

"…So do I, what are you doing afterwards?"

I hear more rustling of sheets.

"I'm free after work" She replies.

I instantly perk up, I know it's pathetic, but according to my persona, I need this.

"Great, do you mind giving me a lesson on the wonderful world of fabrics? I almost got fired today because I told some lady to buy denim in order to make a shawl and she did and then she complained to management, but technically it was her fault because is she knew what she was doing in the first place…"

I stop because I hear deep breathing on the other end.

"Alice?" I question.

"Huh? Mm, sorry, your voice was putting me to sleep"

I deflate a little bit "Oh sorry"

"No don't be, it's very relaxing" I think I can hear the drift of a smile, but maybe I'm mistaken. I'm contested to what that statement means, but I can analyze it after this phone call.

"So, how about tomorrow then?" I ask whilst holding my breath.

"Mmm, Come by the studio after 5, just call me when you're outside" I do an internal fist pump.

"Great, see you then"

"Mmm yeah"

I smile because I can hear her deep breathing into the phone, she's fallen asleep again.

"Goodnight Mary Alice Brandon" I whisper into the retriever.

I don't wait for a reply and hang up the phone.

Did that just happen? I give a major fist pump into the air.

Somewhere on a warm bed, a phone is beeping next to a tiny pixie that is sleeping; she re-positions herself in her bed and smiles.

"Goodnight Bella."

* * *

~~The next day

When I first entered her boutique I thought it was very retro and so neat, in every meaning of the word. But now that I'm behind the scenes, that is, upstairs on top of the shop, I know better.

There are fabrics and haberdashery strewn everywhere in this room, it's like a gay unicorn exploded in here, although, that would probably would explain how Alice got to be so perky. I've only known her for a few hours, but a few telephone calls and two conversations later and I know that this woman is not someone to be reckoned with. She just exudes this personality; it's ostentatious but in a managed way, if that makes sense.

Currently, I'm standing in between Alice and a roll of fabric. How did I get into this predicament you ask? Well, according to Alice, the best way to learn about crafts is the hands on approach. Thus, she has been handing me a plethora of fabrics and explaining the difference and similarities between each one, also, she's been showing me what you can actually make out of them.

Seriously, her mannequins are dressed better than I am.

"O.k so polypop feels a bit flimsy, but it does get the job done cheaper, see how the Chino drill feels a bit thicker?" She grabs my hand to compare it another fabric.

"Do you feel the difference?" She questions, eyes shining hopefully and all.

"Yeah" I reply. _No._

"It's a bit sturdier, stronger…rougher." She explains, my fingers move of on their own accord to feel the fabric. _Oh dear, she's so smart too._

With my hand in hers she drags me to another corner of the room and shoves another piece of fabric in them.

"And on the opposite end of the spectrum, here's chiffon" I feel the flowing fabric in my fingertips and notice that she's done the same.

"It's so soft; I love how silky it feels" she comments wistfully.

With every brush of her thumb against mine I can feel something within me quicken, if it's my heart well, it's nice to meet you. I can honestly feel every blood cell within my body pulsating against my skin.

I look at her again and she's looking at me expectantly again.

_Mental block mental block mental block!_ Say something witty or agree or do something to indicate that you're listening to her tutorial.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" are the words that fly out of my mouth.

Now, time seemed to stop for a second, I could feel the entire world cease movement and try to understand my words, whilst also giving me the _'What the fuck?'_ look.

But as it were, reality began again.

"Pardon?" Alice asks after a few moments of blinking.

"Err…that's what she said?"

I grimace in fear of her response. Her eyebrows furrow in an attempt to discern my meaning.

"Who's she?" she finally asks.

I open my eyes and I tilt my head to the side.

"What?" I ask.

"What did she say?" she asks again in curiosity.

And then it hits me.

"You've never heard that expression before?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Can't believe that I have"

I stare at her incredulously for a moment to detect any form of deceit, she really hasn't? Oh god.

Fighting the oncoming blush, I stammer out my explanation.

"Well, it's a term used... to… describe, what one, that is, what 'she' or a woman, would say…when you're err… copulating with her"

"It's a sex joke?" She deadpanned.

"Yeah" I replied sheepishly.

She shakes her head at me, I don't know if it's in amusement or bewilderment, but I can't help but give a sigh of relief, major awkwardness averted.

A comfortable silence hangs itself around us and I realize that neither of us has let go of the chiffon, she's right the texture is smooth.

_Dammit, she's getting married; do you mind not flirting with a betrothed woman?_

I snap myself out of the potential danger and cough nervously, beckoning her to do the same; we both drop the fabric at the same time, but not before I notice the slight blush adorning her cheeks.

Again I rub the back of my neck.

"So, I hunger…wanna eat?"

Have I mentioned that I'm doing a triple major in Literature, History and stupidity?

She smiles that sweet smile, to assure me that everything is O.K.

"I could eat" She says and then she makes a move towards the closest to retrieve her coat.

I scoff on the way to the front door.

"You need to eat Alice" I say.

She returns from the closest and gives me the finger and the next thing I know, we're out the door.

* * *

We ended up at a small diner a few blocks away from Alice's shop.

It was a quaint little diner that was riddled with antiquity, its décor matched the wooden walls and it smelt of smoked grease which had probably been permeating from the 80's. But above all, it felt like home, that's what Alice had told me when I asked her about this place and that is what I felt as the older waitress took our orders. Her voice sounded like silk.

We're the only occupants in the diner and we're currently sitting in one of the rustic booths. I can't remember the last time I actually went out with someone to somewhere, as I'm perpetually alone. I don't mean that in an emo sense, rather, I mean that in a, I'm really really busy and just haven't found the time, nor the desire to actively hang out with friends.

So, to say that I'm nervous at the moment is a bit of an understatement.

I fiddle with the paper napkin in front of me and wonder how many pieces I can rip it into, when I hear Alice's voice.

"Bella?" She says.

I stop my fiddling and look up, oh, damn I'm rude, I should probably try to make conversation with her or give some form of indication that I'm enjoying her company.

"Sorry, I fiddle when I'm nervous, not that you really make me nervous, but I was just thinking that I haven't done this in a while and I'm not sure what to do next" I ramble.

She smiles at me and takes my hands into hers.

"Actually, I was just going to ask you how much chuck would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

I sit there bemused.

_I…did she, did she really just ask that?_

"Eight!" I answer with the first number to come into my head.

She beams at my answer, "I knew it!" She exclaims and starts to laugh.

Her laugh seems to be infectious and as I let go of her soft hands, I can't help but laugh with her, maybe this play date won't be so bad after all.

We thank our waitress when she delivers our orders and we dig in, I feel a bit more comfortable with her presence.

"So, tell me about yourself," She requests with honest curiosity.

I look down at my plate and notice that there are tomatoes in my salad, I start to push them aside and then I notice a foreign fork pick them up. I pop my head up, just in time to see Alice eating one.

"You said that you didn't like tomatoes earlier" She answers before I can say anything. I shrug my shoulders, she's right; I had mentioned that fleetingly when we were discussing the different names of colours.

Remembering her earlier question, I decide to answer her.

"There's not much to say really, I'm studying to be a teacher and I work at a fabric store that I know nothing about."

"What kind of teacher?" She asks, whilst pushing aside the olives in her meal.

I start to pick at her plate, to which she gives a grateful smile.

"High school, I don't like little kids, I'd need a Taser with me if I had to deal with them constantly." I answer honestly, earning me a chuckle.

"But aren't high school kids more outspoken?"

Again, I shrug my shoulders. "Yeah, but, push them the right way and you might be able to mould them into a productive member of society."

"I suppose that's true. What made you want to become a teacher?" She asks.

I chew on the chicken slowly and think about why I did decide to become a teacher.

"I always thought that if I had no idea what I wanted to be by the time I graduated, I'd become a teacher, like a back-up plan. But, now that I'm actually doing it, I really enjoy it. I once read a quote by some guy named Tom Boddett, he said _"In school, you are taught a lesson, then given a test, but in life, you are given a test that teaches you a lesson". _I guess I just want to be that person that helps kids prepare for that test." I don't think that I've spoken this much to someone that I've just met before, but there's just something about her.

She smiles sweetly at my answer, like those types of smiles you give to children when they've accomplished something, only, hers isn't condescending.

"That's really sweet. I wish I had teachers who had cared more when I was in high school, back then, it seemed as though it was just another day another dollar for them. The only ones, who you felt genuinely cared, were the old ones who were on the brink of extinction." She replies.

I think about her words, I really do hope to become one of those teachers that are memorable, one that shapes people like her.

"As much as I hate to say it, I guess I care for people." I answer truthfully.

"Don't worry, I won't tell." She says with a wink.

We eat in comfortable silence, just enjoying the company of another, the food, the smells.

"What made you open up a boutique?" I ask her, after all, conversations are a two way street or so I'm told.

Alice smiles languidly at me and I just know that there are sparks behind her eyes; it shows in her voice, I heard it earlier in her workspace and I hear it now.

"Designing clothes, exploring fashion trends and just meeting different people is my passion. When I was a child, I used to dress up in my mothers and fathers clothes just to feel and experience the differences."

I try to imagine a smaller version of the woman in front of me smearing lipstick all over her face and wearing an oversized dress trailing behind her, how proud she must have been to be a grown up at the time. I can't help but laugh quietly to myself.

Alice must know what I'm thinking at the moment, because she chuckles at the look of my face.

"Yeah, my father thought it odd and cute that I got tangled in his doctor's coat when I was seven."

A comfortable silence emits from us again and I just can't help but ask my next question.

"So, don't take this the wrong way or me being ungrateful, but, why me?"

Alice looks at me and leans her head on her hands, she's contemplating me and suddenly I feel very exposed.

"You really looked like you needed help in figuring out what you were doing." She answers simply.

Huh, I looked that much out of my comfort zone huh? However, she must've seen the look of dejection on my face.

"That and, there's just something about you." She whispers quietly, I almost didn't hear her say those words.

I give her a confused look and almost ask her to continue, but she does so anyway.

"You know those people that you cannot help but gravitate towards? You're one of them." She clarifies somewhat.

I decide to not take this conversation any further for fear of what it might reveal, at the moment however, sitting in a dingy diner with a beautiful in every way person, isn't that what everyone appreciates?

We continued eating and making small talk, about our likes, dislikes and not once did I ever feel like she was probing me for something deeper, she seemed to genuinely want to know me as a person.

And, I really think that I could get to know her too.

* * *

After dinner, we decided to go for a gentle stroll in a nearby park. It was getting late, but not so much that it was pitch black, there was just enough light to see where you were going.

My hands are stuffed in my jeans pocket so as to ground me, lest my wandering hands decide to take hers into my own. On this road we are travelling, we are companions and that is It. This is what a relationship should be, I don't mean a romantic one, I just mean in general. Relationships should be easy, sometimes things happen, arguments happen, but in the end, because you both care for each other unconditionally, without any sort of pretense or agenda, in the end, relationships should just be. You have accepted that person to be in your life for a reason and in return, they should demonstrate what you do. I know, easier said than done. But look at Alice and I, two people who have just met and just walking contently, finding solitude in our silence. And that is it really.

I've only known her for such a little amount of time, but I know, I feel that she is someone special.

I steal a glance at Alice and she's giving me a quizzical look, ah, I must have had my "oh shit I just found out the world is made out of cheese!" face, her words not mine.

I give her a smile to let her know that all is fine and in return she smiles that smile, it's accepting, understanding and just loving, someone special indeed.

_She's getting married Bella._

I almost halt in our walk when I remember that little fact, but instead I take a few deeps breathes and decide to ask her the inevitable question.

"Soooo, marriage" I let that conversation starter hang in the air.

She smiles at me.

"Yep" she answers popping the p for effect.

I bristle, I'm not comfortable with the subject matter, but she has taken the effort to get to know me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to overhear in my store but, how's it coming along?"

Alice gives a nod of recognition to my conciliation and then smiles at the thought of the wedding "So far? The day is perfect" she answers blissfully.

"Nothing's perfect" I scoff, that's my pessimism coming out to play.

She stops walking and turns towards me.

"That's why we have erasers" she answers simply.

I too stop walking and then dig into my pocket, taking out an eraser.

"Ohh mystical eraser, produced by the God of mistakes, please, I beg of thee to erase thane recklessness of these past decades, so that I may be more worthy and a step closer to perfection" I say in my most theatrical voice.

Alice just laughs in amusement, oh yeah, I just did that.

She continues walking and I follow her, after a few moments of companionable silence she asks "Do you always carry an eraser around with you?"

I shrug my shoulders in reply "You never know when you might need to rub something off"

Alice immediately stops walking and I panic thinking that I've said something to offend her, was it the comment about the Gods thing? I would never have taken her for a Religious nut; I turn around, fearing the worst, only to be met by a very cute quizzical face.

"That's what she said?" She asks, and then she looks at me, as if seeking validation.

I can't help but beam with pride.

"You are learning young padiwan" I say.

* * *

~~~A few weeks later

Her favourite color is yellow, she once tried to be a vegetarian but decided that she desired the taste of meat, her favorite food is veal funnily enough, she has a scar right in the middle of her forehead because when she was younger, she didn't like to complain, so instead she decided to bash her head against the wall and one day she banged it a little too hard, she used to have a teddy bear called Lambchop because she loved the show, she believes in the One, she has multiple scars on her fingertips from sewing too much and when I leave, I remember her being in my life.

These few weeks have been like a crash course into the life of Mary Alice Brandon and like the good student I am, I have been listening to her and studying throughout the entire time. Maybe it's because I'm fascinated by her, maybe it's the crush that I've developed for her or maybe I'm just addicted to the serotonin that pulsates throughout me every time she's around, in either case I really enjoy her company.

And at the moment, we're in the Top Shop, that's what she's named her studio on the top of her shop she's telling me the difference between jersey and interlock.

They're both soft but have this almost unnoticeable woven texture to them, like her scarred fingertips, I can feel her gaze on me, but I'm too busy staring a hole into the fabric to notice.

I want to say something, anything, there have been moments these past few weeks where deep silences have erupted between us, whereby, she stares at me and I burn a hole into everything I see. Sometimes, I want her to tell me what she's thinking, but other times? I want to show her what I'm thinking.

There's a loud bang in the top shop and then a deep masculine voice calls out.

"Hello?"

Alice and I turn around to the intruder, I mean guest.

She instantly drops the fabric and runs towards the figure from the hallway.

"Jazzy!" Alice screams, I turn my head towards the voices and I see her embracing the figure, I'm guessing he's the groom.

_He's hot._

**Oh shut it Isabella.**

I let go of the fabric as well, the guy is lanky but from the way his arms are wrapped around Alice, I can detect that he's toned. He sways her around as if she weighs nothing at all.

"Alley cat, you know how I hate that name" tall, blonde and handsome admonishes. He lets her down and stares into her eyes.

Alice just beams in his arms, "Yeah, but you love me, oh so much"

"Oh that I do" He replies.

_Awww._

**Yak!**

"Jazz, I want you to meet a very special friend of mine, her names Bella" she takes his hand and then presents him to me. He smiles at me charmingly and she looks at me hopefully, as if to gauge my approval, well, she's marrying him, how much more approval do you want?

"Ahh, so your Alice's new protégé? Hello, I'm Jasper Hale" He puts out a hand as a friendly gesture and I shake it, god he's got a grip on him.

He looks at me as if appraising my form, though that could just be my paranoia kicking in.

I give him a smile, at least I think it's a smile, in hindsight, it could've seemed as though I was constipated.

"Bella Swan" I introduce.

"Pleasure" he says.

I let go of his hand and fold my arms.

"Wish it were mine" I mumble, so sue me, I'm just that little bit jealous.

He smirks at me "Pardon?"

**Opps maybe not as soft as I thought.**

"Umm…I am number nine?" I try to appease. He seems to take that as an answer and then returns his attention back to Alice.

_**Awkward… **_

He gives her a smile and I think a wink before sitting on the couch, he moves his body from side to side, in what I can assume is his usual comfortable ass groove. Hey, everyone's got one.

Alice smiles at me as if to comfort me and I then sit my ass onto the couch as well, on the far end of the seat.

She dances towards a mannequin draped in a plethora of colors, textures and fabrics in order to fix her up for her next show.

"Where's Kate?" Alice questions, eyes furrowed on the mannequin in front of her.

Jasper grabs the magazine on the coffee table and starts to flip through it "She's working today at the clinic; she's been working too hard"

"Yeah, I can only imagine what it's like to work with bitches all day" Alice retorts with pins in her mouth.

Jasper makes a show to drop the magazine and grabs his heart "Alley cat! Such words for a lady"

They're really comfortable to each other, from years of practice I imagine.

"Alley cat? Lady?" I intervene.

Alice stops her ministrations with the mannequin and looks at me appraisingly.

"Oh shush, miss first word ever spoken to me said fuck…really loudly" She chuckles

"Yeah, well, shut up" Queen of retorts right here! Ladies, please form a line!

Alice smiles, "You're all class aren't you Bella?"

Jasper quirks his eyebrow at Alice and then she stares at him for a few moments, they seem to be having a mind conversation.

"Who's Kate?" I ask, trying to ease the tension, I do not want to be caught in the middle of a domestic.

Alice sighs and then looks at me "My sister in law, she works at a vet clinic"

"Oh" I reply dumbly.

Jasper shakes his head and walks up to Alice and the mannequin; he even walks around it to inspect all angles. **God, perfectionist much?**

He wraps his arms around her in an appreciative gesture and smiles, Alice holds his embrace with one arm and for a moment it looks as if they're swaying to some made up rhythm, like song that only they can hear.

"So how's my wedding coming along?" Alive asks in all seriousness.

Jasper rolls her eyes, the song has been disrupted.

"_Our _wedding is fine Ally, but remember, tomorrow you have to go down to the winery, I want something full, rich and a little bit fruity"

"Yes Jasper, I know, wait what do you mean you?" She halts and turns to look at him head on.

Jasper grabs both of Alice's hands.

"You…as in Mary Alice Brandon, my other half, didn't I tell you? I've got the big meeting with the realtors tomorrow" He smiles a dashing smile at her, but I can see from the crinkle in her forehead that she is not pleased.

"Dammit Jasper, you know I hate doing these things by myself and, what if someone attacks me because I'm all vulnerable and drunk?"

He shrugs his shoulders and in return Alice just fumes, they stare hard into each other's eyes and I am totally caught up in a domestic at the moment.

A few moments of their battle and then a light bulb in Jasper flickers.

"I know!" He snaps his fingers and he turns his attention towards me.

_Uh oh._

Sliding towards me he grabs my hands.

"Bella, could you please escort my other half to the winery and protect her with everything you've got?"

I look at Alice, but she's too busy looking at her mannequin again, I look at Jaspers pleading face and I can't help but relent. Dammit, I've only met the guy for a few minutes and I can't help but give in to his every word, no wonder Alice is marrying the guy.

"Sure?" I reply.

Jasper beams.

"Great, than it's settled, the wine tour bus leaves from the corner of…"

I shake my head in disbelief, great, a whole day with the soon to be married pixie, at a winery, at least I get to drink…bottoms up.

* * *

~~~~The Next Day

We meet the other tourists at 10.30 am at the designated tour bus spot and its cold; I wonder what time we'll get to the winery, I don't think that I've ever had a drink before 12pm before.

I hug myself to prevent the warmth from exuding my body and that is when I see the woman that has recently made me feel.

I have noticed that the way Alice moves is very much like dancer, it is fluid and precise, as she just glides through people. And as I watch her performance, I can't help but stare, mesmerized by the ballet that only I've been privy to.

"So a whole day at a winery?" I say stupidly when she reaches me.

She grabs my arm and we make our way towards the bus.

"Yep. Just you, me and lots and lots of fermented grapes!" she exclaims.

The winery itself is an uninteresting affair, a lot of pretentious people talking about what flavors they can decipher from just a swish of the lips. Seriously? If a bottle of alcohol is opened, it's meant to be consumed. Or maybe that's the logic I have now that I've had a few glasses, I mean testers.

I'm waiting for the smokers to finish their cigarettes, as I lean against the bus. I try to think back on all the wines I've 'tasted' today and wonder if any of them are worth purchasing.

"Are you and your partner enjoying the tour?" I hear a voice beside me, oh, that's our tour guide, Cedrick? No, Edward? I can't remember, I'm not too good at remembering people's names. Obviously he saw that Alice and I were together today, however I can't help but blush at the supposed insinuation.

I shake my head animatedly "Oh we're not…"

And then I feel a hand grasp my side.

"There you are babe" Alice says with a full cheesy grin.

_Babe? Ohh two can play at this game._

"Yeah what's up, _hunny bunny?_"

I wrap my arm around her and smirk at her challenge.

She hands me a glass of red and gives her own smirk.

"You have to taste this wine; it'd be perfect for the reception" She says

"You two are getting married?" Cedward interrupts.

_Woah, Marriage? Way too much commitment…ABORT ABORT._

I let go of Alice immediately at the word.

"She is…" I point to Alice.

She raises her eyebrow.

"…To her" She points at me.

Our tour guide just chokes on his saliva, either imagining us together or trying to figure out why we're referring each other in fourth person?

"Well…I'm going to go now" Cedward replies nervously.

Alice just waves to his retreating form.

"See ya on the bus" She says.

We turn to look at each other and just burst out laughing.

"Come on _**hunny bunny**_" I say shaking my head after a few moments, she finishes her chuckling and once again attaches herself onto my hip.

"Let's go _**babe**_" I can't remember if I finished that wine or not.

* * *

~~~A few hours later.

It's late by the time we manage to make our way home and the bus is quiet, which is a stark contrast to when we first started the tour.

My head is spinning, I can taste the alcohol on my tongue and the wine on my lips, it's going to be fun scrubbing the remnants off my teeth tomorrow…gross.

I look upon my companion next to me, I'm sitting leaning against the window on the right side of the bus. The whole bus ride, Alice has been comfortable draping herself on top of me. Her head is nestled in the crook of my neck; she fits perfectly in the nook that she's declared for herself. Her left arm acts as the bridge connecting our bodies as it lies limp between us and her right hand is making circles on my right thigh.

After the incident with Cedward, I thought that I had offended her, but as I have discovered these past few weeks. Alice Brandon is relentless, in everything she does, from when she instantly walks in the room to when she just stares at her mannequins, she has this overwhelming passion in everything, in everyone, it's like a beaming light that will never go out from within her, if I believed in auras, I would imagine that hers would outshine everyone's.

I incline my head towards her, heh, she reeks of alcohol too, but I can still smell her unique scent. It's milky; the fragrance is so soft that sometimes you don't even notice it until you're overwhelmed by it, it's refreshing and comforting.

Yes, I'm smelling her hair when she's sleeping, call me a creeper, but you would too if Alice Brandon was basically on top of you!

"Why are you still single?" Alice slurs from her position next to me, she lifts her head up and I know that she's so close, I look at her face.

"Why are you so pretty?" I slur back, whoa, since when are there two Alice's?

"You think I'm pretty?" she asks.

"You think I'm single?" I retort.

"Touché"

"Or touch me without the m" I finish, earning a round of raucous laughter.

She picks up my hand and is fascinated by it for a few moments, taking each digit individually by her blurred vision. She stops at the fourth.

"What's this?" She asks.

Seeing the finger she landed on I reply nostalgically. "Ahhh this is the first tattoo I've ever gotten…"

She looks at me and then the finger, squinting her eyes, she reads the text.

"Cur etiam hic es?" She vocalizes and just as I'm about to translate it for her, she does it for me.

"Why are you still here?" She whispers.

I sit shocked.

_She knows Latin, she's a keeper_.

**Shut up Isabella!**

She looks at me expectantly and I just articulate the rehearsed lines.

"I think it's a question that everyone asks themselves in their life, I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my life, but I've asked myself that question more often than not"

"Hmmm" she contemplates.

I take a deep breath decide to tell her the real reason, hell, I'm drunk, she's drunk, if not a better time right?

"And I also figure that when or if I ever get married, I'm going to get a ring with the engravings "For you" in it, so that the question will be answered, "Why are you still here?" 'For you'"

She smiles at that answer.

"That's beautiful"

I smile back, I've never told anyone the real reason I got that tattoo, a part of me was scared to admit that I actually entertain thoughts of being with another. When I'm with Alice, there are these perplexing feelings that I have, sometimes I feel so scared to be around her and it nauseates and frightens me, but at the same time, I feel as if I can face any and all my fears because she's here.

I feel fingertips trail my upper body.

"And what's that?" Alice points at my left chest, just above my cleavage, effectively breaking me out of my thoughts.

I raise my eyebrow at her and cough nervously.

"Well, when a girl reaches a certain age…"

She gives me a confused look and shakes her head wildly.

"No silly, that tattoo" she points again at my chest.

I look down and remember the black ink…Ahh that.

I open my black cotton shirt a bit more so that she can read it.

"1+1=1" she states, she looks up at me and smirks a drunken smirk.

"I know that you're bad at telling people how much fabric to buy Bella, but I didn't think you were that bad at maths" she chuckles at her own joke.

"Shut up…" I so eloquently reply, sticking out my tongue for effect.

She stops her laughing and then gives me a 'go on' look.

I take a deep breath and sigh, rubbing the back of my neck with my left hand.

"I…like quotes and some dude named Jean Paul Satre once said "In love, one and one are one"

She furrows her eyebrows, as she absorbs everything that I say, like as if she were trying to figure out a complex riddle.

"You're a real hopeless romantic aren't you?" she asks once her internal monologue finished.

"No" I lie.

"No?"

"Nope"

Alice perks her head up from my shoulder and sniffs the air.

"Do you smell that?"

I make a confused gesture. "What?" I ask.

She inclines her head towards me and smirks.

"It smells like, someone's pants are on fire" and then she starts laughing.

I can't help but laugh with her, huh, I must be more drunk than I realize.

Alice sobers up a little and resumes her position in the crook of my neck.

"You're not a hopeless romantic, yet you have tattoos which pertain to thoughts on love, so, effectively you don't believe in the prints you have?" She asks curiously.

I gain my thoughts for a moment.

"It's not that I don't believe in it, it's just that, with my history and with my family's history in regards to love, I suppose I'm just a bit predisposed to not find it or want to find it."

"Family? history? I see a story coming on" She sits up like a child giving their full attention.

"Nahhh, I don't really think we have time" I attempt to dismiss.

Her hand grasps my thigh tighter and I swear I can't feel anything from there anymore.

"Home is an hour away; we've got plenty of time." She winks and that damn pout…

"Fine" I relent.

She settles back down and waits for the oncoming story and in my drunken stupor, who am I to deny her?

"My parents have been divorced since I was five, all four uncles and six aunts on either side of my family have either divorced or have been at least once. It's like, a bad omen, no-one in my family has stayed together long enough to give me that hope that there is a possibility for love in my family, well, to find and make it stay, so I figure, why go against nature?"

All this time she has a puzzled look on her face. "That's not a reason to think that you're not made for it, I mean, how about your grandparents?" She questions.

I shake my head and suddenly love the graffiti on the grey seat in front of me.

"They're both still together, but I don't think that they're really a comparison, they lived in different times, where marriage was sanctimonious, it was special, now, it's like, ok we have an argument, I never want to see you again, and you know what? It's possible for that to happen! We live in a society where, an entire world will cost you $50. What's not to say, that one day the person I'm with won't leave me? To desire something more that I can't give them? I know that it's irrational and that it's stupid, but people change."

"So that's why you freaked out before when that guy thought we were getting married?" She surmises.

"Yeah" I reply solemnly.

A silence ensues and it's deafening, what is she thinking?

"Take a look at all the two relationships that I've been in, all two of them! They've both figured that they're not gay after me or _during_ me, if that isn't an indication I don't know what is" The words are just flying out of my mouth at the moment.

"I can't be another experiment to someone, I just, for just once, I would love it, if I weren't just another experiment" I whisper those last words and let them hang in the air, it's the truth, my friends call it a gift, but I call it a curse, I hate being the first of a girls second choice.

She nods her head in understanding and then sits contemplating, contemplating what? I don't know and even if I could read minds, I'm sure that I still wouldn't be able to discern what she is thinking because, knowing this girl, this amazingly talented girl, she would find a way to get around it.

"Maybe you're not dating the right person or maybe you're too blind sighted by the past that you just can't move on." I almost want to roll my eyes because that is exactly what Isabella had told me.

"Bella, you can't shut yourself off from love." She says soothingly.

"I'm not, I just find it hard." I've never been comfortable with articulating my feelings.

Alice takes my hands and I'm forced to look at her, I notice that her lips are stained red.

"I can't promise you that you'll find your one Bella, but sometimes, things just happen and most of the time it's in the most inconvenient and unconventional way. But I'm going to let you in on a secret…" She leans up towards my ear to whisper conspiratorially and I listen with all my might.

"…It's bloody worth it" she breathes, I give her a grateful smile, to which she returns.

She has always been so open and accepting, not just to me but to everyone she encounters, no wonder why she's getting married.

She sits back onto her seat and again she's contemplating.

"Do you love Jasper?" I suddenly blurt, bringing her from out of her revere.

_Stupid, stupid stupid! _I repeat to myself.

She snaps her head up, bites her lip and nods her head.

"Of course I do, he's my other half, and I've known him since I was adopted into the family"

I had known that she was adopted, but I tilt my head to the side anyway.

Isn't there like, laws against that? But hey, who am I to judge? I'm coveting a straight woman engaged to her kind of brother…that's some Jerry Springer shit I'm sure.

I'm about to ask her a plethora of questions pertaining to her husband-to-be, but the bus stops suddenly.

"Off the bus ladies, hope you had a good day" Cedward announces with a cheeky grin to his face.

I sigh and look down at my companion, I know that her head is pointed toward me, but I dare not look.

"Bella?" she asks, her tone is innocent, as if unsure of my reply.

**If you only knew the depths to which I would go for you.**

"Hmm?" I reply.

"Take me to bed, I can barely walk" she says.

I smile and reach to grab at her waist, when I know that she is secure in my arms I give a slight chuckle at her motionless form.

"Come on Drunky Mc Drunk Drunk" I say and then I trudge her up the stairway to her apartment.

* * *

Four flights of stairs, an almost broken key, lots of tumbling and trying to get her into pajamas whilst not looking at her, accompanied by a lot of blushing later, and we're somehow in bed together.

Don't judge me, if you had seen her beseeching eyes, asking you to stay, you'd do it as well, despite how much your head is protesting.

Once again she has draped her body on top of mine; she's holding me so tightly that I can barely breathe.

I look down on her face and she's her sleeping, I notice that her lips are moving, huh, I would never have taken her for a sleep talker.

_Well, good going, do you see the predicament you're in now Bella?_

**Oh hello, nice of you to show up whilst I'm in her bed.**

_What are you doing? You know that she's getting married; you know that the only thing that she only sees you as a friend, why are you doing this to yourself, to me, to us?_

I really don't want to listen to Isabella anymore, so I just hold Alice tighter, I hold her tighter than I have ever held anyone before and just hope that she doesn't wake up.

**That's why. **I answer Isabella.

A silence follows and I think that Isabella concedes to me sentiments.

_Oh._

She manages to say after a moment.

**Yeah, oh.**

I want to revel in the fact that this is the first time that my heart and head have ever coincided and just when I'm about to do a mental victory dance, I feel Alice shift.

"Cold" she murmurs.

I have a mini freak out.

"You're cold?" I ask, preparing to give her my half of the sheets.

I feel a head shake against my chest.

"No, you're legs are cold" she replies groggily.

"Ohh, sorry, poor circulation" I whisper against wisps of her hair.

"Here, I'll warm them" She then proceeds to entwine our legs together.

"Alice…I" My half arse protest goes unnoticed however.

"Shhhh, sleep na" and then there is nothing.

I slowly try to untangle our legs, but she's wrapped around me like a cobra, thank God I shaved today is the random thought of the night.

"You'll find it Bella…" I hear her whisper gently.

I stop my movements and look at her "Find what?"

"Never mind" she dismisses and then she holds me tighter.

I'm encapsulated, quite literally by this woman.

I snake my arms around this woman and hold her tightly.

I feel something welling inside of me; it's like a lump in my throat and for a few moments I feel as if I'm suffocating. I breathe deeply through my nose and beckon the lump to go away and after a few moments it subsides, I look down at her, at the woman who could have been my exception to everything.

"I am so far gone now"

* * *

~~ A few days later

Alice is late for today's tutorial at the top shop, but I'm not waiting for long because Jasper is inside her studio.

He lets me in, with a knowing smile, knowing of what? I'm not sure.

It's a bit awkward seeing as I don't really know him, but he kind of seems like me, a silent contemplator that's just happy to be with someone in silence.

He allows me to walk around the room freely and respects me to enough to not watch me like a hawk, to which I greatly appreciate.

I walk slowly in the room that Alice and I have used the most and touch everything that I can, as I do so, I can't help but remember all the events that have conspired within the past few months. The little things and the big things, like when we were arguing over the color magenta and aubergine so we decided to go to the nearest fruit and vegetable stall and compare the color, or the time where we tried to pick up ribbon to be tied on the chairs at the reception and there wasn't enough, so I used my "connections" to do a store transfer, or the times where she told me about her life, no, I will definitely not forget about those moments where she opened up to me especially when she mentioned something in passing. Because to me, those moments where people tell you things briefly, are the moments that they are most comfortable with you, it's like, they're so comfortable with you that they're verbalizing their internal thoughts. It's a sacred moment to treasure.

I look at Jasper and he's just standing at a mannequin, taking in its form, eyes fixated onto his fiancés work, appreciating it, loving it and in turn loving her. He's dedicated to her I can see that.

"You know, you should come" he states quietly.

"Excuse me?" I'm not sure if he's talking to the mannequin or me.

He looks at me and smiles, surely he knows about my inclination towards his fiancé. "You should come to the wedding, I'm sure that Alice would love to have you there"

I shake my head wildly.

"I've only known her for a few weeks; I don't think that she'd enjoy having me there on her special day"

He raises an eyebrow at my comment. "Um, I don't know about that, she might just surprise you"

I contemplate his words, maybe he doesn't know about my feelings.

He stalks towards me and grabs my hands imploringly.

"Look, I can see that Alice really cares for you and she just doesn't stop talking about you, just let Alice know and if she refutes, just tell her that I invited you and as the groom I have a say in these matters" he has his resolve face and I know that I can't help but accept to his requests…again.

I think I give a nod and he grins at me.

"Great, she's going to love that you're there, it's at St. Mavrick's Church, Saturday 12.30"

A silence ensures and I'm not sure what to say, I just agreed to attend Alice's wedding, from the groom who may or may not know of my intentions.

I can feel his stare on me, but after the silence he makes a move towards the couch directly into his ass groove again, I follow him onto the far end of the couch and place my hands underneath my thighs where I know that they are safe.

"You know, I'd never thought that Alice would find someone like you" Jasper comments.

"What do you mean someone like me?" I inquire.

He turns his body towards me.

"You're not the type of person she, befriends; you're the opposite of her, you're very cool, calm and collected. You're very self-conscious of yourself even though you're as graceful as a bull on crack in a china shop, but there's something about you that is just so endearing. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe Alice has figured it out."

"I'm just a project?" I question rather harshly.

He seems surprised by my outburst but is quick to placate me.

"No, please, don't take my words as Alice's way of assessment for you. Alice has always been able to find the good in people, she has this ability to nurture the potential from anyone, I mean, take a look at me, she has seen the good in me countless of times and I am so grateful to have her in my life."

Once again I am reminded of the bond between them, I know that there's something special about Alice, but it seems as if he too has found something inside her that no one else had found before.

I recline on the chair and for a few moments I revel in the common ground.

_He's good for her._

**Yeah, I know.**

I look at Jasper who's staring a hole into the table; I grab his hand, I'm glad to know that she's with a good guy who appreciates her.

"I understand and you're right, she does do that doesn't she?"

He squeezes my hand, "Take care of her, I trust her with you Bella"

I try to squeeze back, but I think those were just tremors.

"I will"

Well, dammit, why does the groom have to be so freaking nice for?

* * *

~~A few days before the big day.

I had decided to ease off my visits with Alice, considering it was almost time for the wedding, that, and I was too afraid to be affected by anything that was pertaining to her.

We had dinner and she didn't talk about the wedding once, to which I was grateful for, I still hadn't told her if I was coming or not, not that she asked.

I walked her home, we seemed to do that a lot, just walk beside each other as companions on a journey.

We were at the doorstep to her apartment and I was so ready to walk away. Saying a quick goodnight I turned around but stopped when I felt a hand grasp my own.

"Why do you do that?" she suddenly asked me.

I stopped and looked up "Do what?" I question.

"That, right now, you're looking at me, but you're not looking _at _me" She asks.

I frown and will the hand on me to just stop burning on my wrist.

"What?" I ask exasperated.

She lets go of my arm and takes a step towards me "You're not looking in my eyes Bella"

She's right, I don't and this time is no different as so I look at anywhere but her, she's just too close.

"I don't know" I answer.

She takes a step closer and I flinch, now she's invading my personal space, it takes everything from within me to not run away.

"Don't hide from me; I never want you to do that, because you know what? When it comes down to it, it's just you and me Bella. And that's what you need to remember" I almost hear the desperation in her voice or maybe it's just what I want to hear.

"I just don't do that" I say, shaking my head for effect.

"But why?" Again, there's that plead, to know me, she's not the only one that has beseeched the truth from me.

I sigh; she's not the only one, but she will be the only one who has ever beseeched the truth from me and received a reply.

"Because, I'm…afraid of what I might see" I say.

She takes my hand into hers and again I can feel her stare on mine.

"What do you see when you look at me?" I can feel her breath on my lips and I want to taste it. I want to hold her jaw in my palm and make her feel her blood cells rushing to meet my own. I want to give her everything that I have to offer and just let her know that she consumes my being, that she owns it.

I understand it now, I understand what these feelings are, this is my form of love, this small gesture of intimacy with Alice, this is what love is to me.

And right now? It's burning me.

"Bella, what do you see?" she implores again.

This small intimacy that she sometimes displays to me, it burns. Have you ever been burned by fire before? What does your instinct tell you to do? Does it tell you to run to the closest cooling agent? Or does it tell you to retaliate by using obscene language and extinguishing the fire? Or perhaps you're like me and you do both.

Because when she touches me, with her innocent, naïve little gestures, it burns and the only retribution I can find is running away admonishing myself for getting so close. Sometimes I just want to forget that I can't do this with her anymore that I can't keep getting closer to her the way that I want to. Because, despite how much I desire her, want to see her eyes light up because of me; want to love her for everything that she has done, everything that she is and everything that she will be.

I can't, she's getting married and I have to respect that, I'm in love with her and I know that now.

I feel a cold finger under my chin and my head cannot help but follow when she lifts up my head.

And again, like the coward I am, I avert her eyes.

For a second, as I take a fleeting look at her brow, I think that I saw that she was disappointed, but I can't be sure.

"Nothing" I finally answer._**Everything**__._

I take a step away from her and I just can't look at her anymore, I leave her at her doorstep with barely a goodbye.

_Enough now Bella, enough._

* * *

I take another sip from my bottle and lean against my couch. The acid is comforting to my tongue, my body, my mind.

My phone vibrates and I check it, again.

~16 new messages~

I give a sigh and throw my phone down onto the table not bothering to check who it's from, after that day I haven't talked to Alice or anyone for that manner.

_Except me._

I roll my eyes at the voice in my head.

**Yes, except you.**

_Please don't tell the audience that you're being a good person by ignoring her messages._

**I am being a good person though, I can't be near her, call me selfish, call me stupid, call me everything under the sun, but I will not relent, I will not go towards something that I know will end in misery for us both.**

_Stop this shit Bella, you know that you're being an idiot by ignoring her and I'm sure that everyone agrees._

I give an exasperated sigh.

**Do you not understand the term commitment? Of which Alice is at the moment? She has said yes to the person she loves; the person she wants the person that she wants chose to spend the rest of her life with. A person who isn't afraid to stand up for her, to be with her, to be the fucking **_**one**_** for her and her only. She said yes, what don't you understand about that?**

_And right fucking now, it's your time to say no._

**I can't.**

_You can't or you won't? Two very distinct things._

**I…**

_The way I see it, you can either stay here, wallowing in self-pity, validating yourself by your own illogical justifications Or you can get up, brush yourself off and try for just once in your life. Because you know that you never ever tried with any of your relationships._

**I did too try, what about Irina?**

_You mean, the one you dumped because you weren't in love with her, so you had break up with her for fear that you'd break her heart? Oh yes, how chivalrous_.

I click my numb tongue.

**How about Tanya?**

_You mean the girl that had "too many problems?"_

She moved to another state! Several hours away!

_You didn't even say good-bye to her. No, Bella, just no. You're being a coward and you know it, you always talk about finding passion and living out your vocation, well, what about yours? When is it time that you start living out your dream? You can't keep being scared Bella._

**I know that, but why fight a losing battle, no, I am going to stay here, right now, she is getting ready for a marriage that will last forever, you know? Divinely binding type of thing? Why are you against this anyway? Weren't you tell me in the beginning to stop this?**

_And what are you going to have?_

**My memories.**

_Yeah? Hey Bella, what colour are her eyes?_

**They're…**

They're…

I don't know.

For a few moments there's nothing but silence, I play with the edge of the beer bottle and I look at my distorted reflection.

Is this who I want to be for the rest of my life? A distorted figure of who I kind of want to be? Isabella is silent.

I internalize everything and give a sigh.

I don't know if it's the alcohol or what Isabella has said, but there's this feeling inside me that knows that Alice will never be a fleeting moment in my life. She will always be Alice to me.

And you know what? Fuck this.

_Do it._

I shake my head and smile; I am going to fucking try for just once in my life.

I disregard my disheveled look and run out the door, I hail the first cab that I see and get in, I throw out a hasty St. Patrick's Church and I am one step closer to getting to her.

I check the time on my watch, dammit, the wedding should be starting, oh God, I hope I don't do the terribly cliché thing and run in during the priests

"If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

You know what? I don't even care, I need to see her, to see if she shares the same feelings that I do, to see if she is at least the littlest bit inclined to sharing something with me.

I just, I can't let this feeling fleet past me.

When I feel the cab stop, I throw some money at the driver and burst through the doors, I know that I'm being overly dramatic, but there is a moment in everyone's life where theatrics and dramatics occur, those moments are life changing and there is nothing that will stop you from change.

And this is it; this is the moment where it is all or nothing.

"STOP THE….Wedding?" I exclaim.

I look around at the Church and at all the unfamiliar faces, full of question, but I ignore them.

Because instead, I'm staring at the couple by the altar, the couple who I have never met before.

I take a look at couple in the midst of exchanging their vowels, in exchanging their promises for forever and then it hits me.

Right now, in another church, that is Alice and Jasper.

An older male walks up to me.

"Who are you?" He asks.

I give a sad smile and a bow my head in apology to the couple betrothed in front of me.

"Someone that's too late" I finally say.

I walk towards the exit, hearing the Church doors slam on my way out.

I walk away, the soft voices of an exchange of vowels to be bound by a kiss and I can't take the imagery anymore.

That all or nothing moment? Sometimes, you just end up with nothing.

* * *

It's been two weeks, two weeks that I haven't heard anything from her, I didn't want to ruin her honeymoon, I don't even know where she's going, I never thought to ask, because if I did, it would've seemed so real.

Everything hurts and I just can't take my empty apartment anymore so I decide to take a walk in the park.

I suppose that is just how life is sometimes, sometimes you find someone so beautiful that you can't decide what to do with it, so, fate decides to take the choice from your hands. I had the choice to tell her everything I felt, to for once be honest in its most pure form and I ran away.

I take a walk in the park, our park.

I see a couple a few yards away, sometimes I want to run through arms of couples and other times, I wish that I were them.

I bump into someone and as I'm about to apologize I notice her.

But, it can't be…

"Alice?" I ask in disbelief.

"Bella?" she equally questions.

As always she's beautiful, in the winter air she's wearing a huge puffy jacket and tights made from navy blue interlock. Surely this is a dream, I'm in an alcoholic induced state and she's not here. I am totally not checking out her hair, which is as always a mess…and she's looking at me expectantly, it seems as though she's always waiting for me.

"What are you doing here?" I question.

She folds her arms, oh she's pissed "Taking a walk in the park?" she answers scathingly.

I shake my head, isn't she married now?

"No, but _why_ are you here?" I further question.

She rolls her eyes.

"I hadn't realized that this park was reserved for you, I'm sorry, I'll leave" She uncrosses her arms and makes a motion to leave. But I'm not going to let her go. I race to get in front of her and I place my hands outwards in non-aggressive manner.

"No Alice, that's not what I meant, aren't you supposed to be away, in another count…"

She shuts me up, she's not even looking at me and I deserve it.

"Look Bella, you really hurt me, I have wanted you ever since I walked into that store, which was 2 years ago, every week I would hope that you would serve me and when you did, you never remembered me"

She's been in the store before? I rack my brain trying to remember if I ever saw her in my store and I come up with nothing. How could I ever not see her? How have I always been so fucking blind to her?

_Wait._

"What about Jasper?" I ask her.

"What about Jasper?" she shoots back.

"You're married to him" I stipulate, it is the whole reason we're in this predicament in the first place. She snaps her head to look at me.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah"

Her face squirms.

"As in, scraggly blonde guy that's now married to Kate?"

_Wait, what?_

"Wait what? Kate? Isn't Kate his sister? She's blonde"

"So is Rosalie" Alice snarks.

I make a time out motion with my hands.

"O. k, can we stop with the Twilight zone for a second?"

Alice takes a deep breath and explains.

"Jasper is married to Kate, I was the Best man, Rosalie is the Maid of Honor and why would I marry Jasper? He's my brother, I'm sure there are laws against that"

"You're joking" I ask.

"Is that why you ran away? Because you thought I was getting married to Jasper?"

If I answer yes, she'll think I'm an idiot, if I answer no, she will know that I'm lying. "I…" _I'm an idiot._

"You're an idiot" She turns her head and stalks off in determination to get away from me. To get away from the fucked up thing that was in front of her. To walk away from someone that has never fought for her because of their own insecurities.

And just like that, I feel myself jerking towards her form and a grab her wrist in my own hand.

The owner of said hand turns their body sharply at me and before she can answer, a flurry of words escape my mouth.

"Nobody's perfect, I am a testament to that fact, but, when I'm with you, all the things that I've done in the past don't matter, all the mistakes I've ever made don't count, you erase them and I don't feel so embarrassed or distraught about them. You erase my past Mary Alice Brandon, but, unlike me, who blows away the shavings, you keep them and conjoin them, to make a better rubber. To make a better present. Fuck, does that even make sense? I just…I fucking heart you with all of my love Alice."

I let go of her hand and she looks down at the eraser that's now in her palm.

"For you" she reads the inscription on the eraser in a whisper.

She looks at me with something that I can only describe as hope and I sincerely hope that I haven't misinterpreted this emotion.

She cracks a smile.

"You are an idiot Isabella Swan"

She drops the eraser and yanks me by the collar of my shirt, we are a hairs breathe away from each other and before I can ruin the moment she kisses me. And everything is right.

I won't go into the details of how her lips felt against my own, how her tongue danced with mine, how she assaulted my sensory perception, but when we finished I finally saw her…

Her eyes are blue, by the way.

"But you are learning, young padiwan…"

I have so much to learn from myself, from life and from her, I just hope that she's going to be the one with me to weave those threads of life.

**~The beginning~**

* * *

**Thank-you for reading.**


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